For those of you checking out the site, it has now moved to www.walkoffbunt.blogspot.com. come check it out

Lance Berkman and ESPN and the Jackasses that work there!

What can I say for what he has done this month. The man was on fire and finally cooled down during the Cubs series. All the Blind Sheep were saying that Soriano was the hottest player in the league and he didn't even get 1 hit.... I see Berkman lighting it up again this week. It took ESPN (East Coast Sports Propaganda Network) forever to give the man some credit. He has to be the most underrated player in the game. Arod had a similar start last year, but with 5 less homers and a .350 BA and was talked about like he was goin to have a Babe-esque season. But as soon as Berkman starting getting some credit he starts to struggle.

Here is a few article ESPN started writing about Berkman (I suggest you check them out):

Jerry Crasnick-Berkman showing he's the king of swing

Brendan Roberts-Hit Parade: Will the real Lance Berkman stand up?

David Schoenfield-Will Berkman's month rank as one of best ever?

All I am waiting for now is for Peter Gammons to say when Berkman will be traded to the Red Sox. I am sure he will say by the AS break and it would be for Coco Crisp and Julio Lugo.....

Cubs Series Round # 2

After a pretty crappy series against the Texas Rangers, we took care of business at our own park. The series shut up all the fuckin Cubs fans all around the world talking shit about us and the rest of the NL. They were all calling for sweeps and saying there was NO WAY they would lose 2 out of 3 from the ASStros (about that nickname, how gay are Cubs fans at least they could come up with something original, fuckin dumbasses). Here is a link to all the shit talking going on during the series: ESPN Scoreboard Conversations. Yeah we lost the first game, but who fuckin cares we won the series. I would have liked a sweep non-the-less, but 2 out of 3 is fine by me and most Houston fans. We are 1.5 back of the Cubs as of today. We play the Phillies, while they start another fuckin series against the Pirates. They are all talkin about how good the Cubs are because they were beating up on a Pirates team-a summary of the quotes,"The Pirates are a good team and I wouldn't be surprised to see them finish with a .500 record because if they hadn't played us they would be over .500." Lets see we can play that game too. If we hadn't had lost 2 of 3 to the 1st place Marlins we would be tied with the Cubs. God they are fuckin DUMBASSES!!!!
But back to the series: We looked good after an OK first game. Sampson pitched like he wanted to stay in the rotation and he did a damn good job at that. Chacon finally got a decision after a record 9 straight games to start a season w/o one. And at least it was a W. Bourn finally started hitting yesterday, but the 3,4,5 is struggling compared to what they had been doin the last few weeks, except Lee with a clutch 3-run homer yesterday. Berkman, WTF, you went from over .400 to about .383 in one series. But you had a great month non-the-less and on your way to player of the month. Pence is coming around finally as he hit a game winning grand slam!!!
I really don't know what to do with Towles. I would almost rather see Ausmus playing instead of him and his .150 BA. At least Ausmus is batting over the Mendoza Line.
I suspect the Cubs fans will stop talkin shit for a week or so to us so they can make up a reason why they lost the series.

After Finals

Finally done with finals!!!!! Ill be able to post more now that finals are over, but back to school in 2 weeks, but Ill still be able to post just as much till finals again.

Poll Results For the Biggest D-Bag in Baseball

Albert Pujols
3 (11%)

Julian Tavarez
1 (3%)

Carlos Zambrano
12 (46%)

AJ Pierzenski
4 (15%)

Derek Jeter
2 (7%)

Curt Schilling
4 (15%)

So apperently most of the people agree with me in that Zambrano is the biggest D-Bag in baseball and could possibly be in the world.

Yadier Molina-The Pussy

I officially nominate Molina for the Douchebag of the Universe Award.

Here is a few things about that whining he had. First of all, hitters have become over reactive little girls when it comes to getting hit, or even brushed back by pitches. Grow up and take it like a fucking man, not some millionaire crybaby.

Second of all, if you're gonna make a move toward the mound, go all out. Start running for the pitcher, hope to get there a few seconds before everyone else so you can get a few good shots in. And stop being an ass clown and do somethin about it instead of just bitching..... IT WASN'T EVEN THAT CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT

Finally, when the benches clear, do something! Don't just mill around and play grab ass with each other. This is what you're supposed to do when the benches clear:

Molina this is how it is supposed to be done. Backe would have whipped the shit out of you, you lucky bastard.

So you know what Major League Baseball should do? Make a new rule. Any hitter that intentionally moves onto the grass in front of home plate should be automatically ejected. It should be mandatory, like arguing balls and strikes. Even if they're not charging the mound, when they just step in front like Molina did, they cause both benches to clear. It causes nothing but trouble, and BORING trouble at that.

I haven't been able to write very much this past couple of days because I have finals coming up, but Ill try to put as much as possible up until then. But in 2 weeks it will be back to normal with how many posts

Cubs IQ

Here is a fan survey from Sports Illustrated that ranked the stadiums. Cubs are ranked 8th in fan IQ, 8TH!!!!!! There have to be some hardcore dumbasses to think they are actually intelligent. They are by far the biggest cock gobblers in baseball. I mean seriously.....
We ranked 16th overall, which is probably right where we should be.

ESPN Message Boards

Just another failing cause for ESPN. Apparently, Cub bashing isn't allowed there, with such words as A**handers. No banning, just every post not postable. Isn't that odd. More virulent terminology is readily accepted. Yep, dear friends, the Cubs got their asses. collectively handed to them by the Washington Nationals. God is great!

52 Reasons Why ESPN Sucks!

Saw this from another blog so I thought I would post it.

1. Synergy. Promo the games you have the rights to while barely mentioning the big games on in other places, no matter how important they might be. Push your product over THE GAME. Vile corporate entertainment thinking that yields little but viewer disgust.

2. Regional broadcast fiascoes. No shit here–the Tampa Bay area enjoyed the Rutgers/WVU game on the weekend of the Texas/Oklahoma game because…well, because the evil spider god in charge of everything decreed it, we suppose. Here in Atlanta we frequently got the Tar Heels getting knocked around the yard instead of a better matchup across the country.

3. Stuart Scott. His poetry slam two days ago didn’t happen, because if we did admit it, then we’d wake up crying in a ball in the corner struck by the sadness of what has become Sportscenter.

Boo. Yeah, boo.

4. The absence of Keith Olbermann.

5. The continued, painful obsolescence of Keith Jackson. Yeah, that’s more of a complaint with God, but pending a response from the Deity himself, we’ll blame his corporate masters who act as accomplices.

6. Sportstainment! The next few are attached to this umbrella concept of the idea that sports isn’t entertainment all by itself. Consider them pieces of evidence in one long indictment of Disney’s attempt to force ESPN into becoming the story, not the medium.

7. Nick Lachey, interviewer.

8. ESPN Hollywood. Lower ratings than “Christopher Lowell, After Hours.”

9. “The Hot Seat” segment. Nothing more excruciating than watching former partial qualifiers attempting to think against the clock.

10. Dream Job.

11. Stephen A. Smith. Mark Shapiro, the prime mover behind Sportstainment! and former head of ESPN, said he just HAD to hire Smith after every focus group detested his ass. Well, there you go. Would love to kick the ass of the editor of Highlights magazine for bewitching him with those devilish puzzles all these years. Makes a sport we already don’t care about all the more ignoreable–and isn’t that what a great spokesman for the sport is supposed to do?

12. Tom Berenger’s horrible old man prosthetics in The Junction Boys. Bear Bryant as burn victim, evidently.

13. WHOOSH. Fox shares some blame here, but we’ll still fault ESPN for jumping on the bandwagon by putting sound effects to every gesture.

14. Chris Berman’s “WHOOP!” noise. Berman will make several appearances here, since he’s one of the worst things about the network, so we’ll just list the offense and the death strike we think is appropriate. In this case, we think the two hand spiral neck snap, an old Seagal move, would be perfect.

15. TomBob Ley’s banishment. Outside the Lines, one of the best shows on ESPN, is relegated to the status of “Sunday Morning Boring Old Man News Thing.” How Ley stays at the network when he could be at HBO’s Real Sports is a testament to his loyalty–or his laziness, perhaps.

16. Dan Patrick’s hair dye. Has now moved squarely into Wink Martindale territory.

17. I…love…highlights without shtick…songs that don’t suck dick…and twins!!!

18. Speaking of songs that suck…Big and Rich have made their way onto our Orbital Death Ray list, along with Mark Shapiro. For a long time college football existed as a fiefdom apart from the Sportstainmenttastic! world of ESPN–pleasantly stodgy, frills-free coverage of a sport that allowed you to soak in the atmosphere of each game through the screen. Now we have Nick Lachey interviewing people and Big and Rich suggesting that we need more Ying with our Ying Yang. Two old pieces of redneck jerky–including one who one of our readers pointed out, bears a striking resemblance to Phyllis Diller–who were pulled out of a hat at random by marketing schmucks in New York who were like, “Okay, people. Red state sport—we need us some edgy country!” Total, horrid, absolute fecality soiling the last show we watch on the network.

We’re coming…and we’re shit-tayyy!!!

19. Making the story, not reporting it. Two words: Terrell Owens.

20. High school kids committing live on the network. Recruiting’s creepy enough with Tom Lemming involved. Upping the ante to national coverage only adds to the ick factor.

21. Ron Jaworski’s backseat role. His explanation of schemes and coverages is pure, elegant analysis. So he’s forced to do it at 11:30 with a concussed madman and a very cute lesbian. That’s a push, we suppose.

22. Berman’s lack of preparation. He’s ad-libbing half the time and doing so badly, stuttering and stammering while barely concealing his head-tracking reading of the teleprompter. Appropriate death strike: spinning heel kick, Walker, Texas Ranger- style.

23. Desmond Howard. We just hear happy music while he blabs on about whatever he’s talking about. Mostly bossa nova, actually.

24. The Outdoor Games. In a typical move, ESPN takes our insomniac treats–including the World’s Strongest Man competitions–and packages them into Sportstainment!. What they fail to understand is that we liked them because they were on when we got home from the bar drunk enough to find them entertaining.

25. Lee Corso. Not so fast, my friend! His analyses come down to “Ooh! They’re tougher than the other guy!” or “Kirk said this, so I’ll disagree with him and put on this mascot head!” Makes the already superb Herbstreit look like a bona fide savant in comparison, which may be his role.

26. Mike Gottfried. America’s most dyspeptic college football announcer. Frowns at babies and accuses them of lack of discipline for shitting their diapers. Misses calls frequently. The opposite of fun.

27. Berman’s clip of him throwing a football to catching the ball from Doug Williams. Yes, you were skinny once. Now you’re fat and an easy target. Appropriate death strike: run over with Brinks Truck, chase him down with a lawnmower.

28. The forced animosity between John Clayton and Sean Salisbury. Team Under Armor vs. Goliath has more verisimilitude.

29. Wide angle shots, fades, and pensive shots of young athletes recounting the trauma of growing up poor/fatherless/in Bosnia/stricken with acne/slightly nervous/average/motherless/with rickets/etc in puff pieces. Adversity, dear ESPN, is boring. Show us how long it takes for Matt Leinart to pick up a girl in a bar–now that would be Sportstainmenttastic! Hey-yo!

30. Woody Paige. In our hometown, this guy cleaned your septic tank. On ESPN, he’s an “expert.”

31. The rape of Buster Olney, a fine sportswriter.

32. Fake news conferences.

33. Flavor in our broadcasts. Yes, Dan and Keith did it very well. But show us a goal, td, basket, point, or homer without a “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND” once, and we will send you a shiny dollar in the mail.

34. Mark May. The youngest disciple of the Gottfried school of broadcasting, a nasty, choleric presence on the screen whose vagina-pelt-looking goatee only added to his dislikeable on-air demeanor. Makes pure evil presence of Lou Holtz seem agreeable in comparison. Oh, speaking of…

35. Lou Holtz. You have a speech defect, and should not make a living talking on television. Oh, and you’re a cheater. Would be entertaining only if they made him speak from behind his own salad bar shield; we’re guessing it would look like those shots of cobras striking at people behind plexiglass in zoos, with spit flying in gobs all over the surface.

36. Chris Berman’s nicknames. Appropriate death strike: in honor of their upcoming Big 12 championship game, how about a dim mak Brown shot to the throat?

37. Beano Cook. Beano’s visage just plain scares the hell out of us. Plus, he’s been trying to kill us for years, with the last incident being a failed stabbing on the streets of Singapore in 2003.

38. World Series of Poker. Not bad in an hour’s dose. Unbearable in four hour stretches.

39. 3: The Dale Earnhardt Story. Find us someone who thinks anyone actually calls their father “diddy” in the South NOT named Bowden, and we will show you an actor two years out of drama school.

40. ESPNU. Not even sure what this is, but it’s unknown and strange–therefore by instinct we must hate it.

41. Chris Berman referring to himself as “The Schwam.” Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck you. Appropriate death strike: cruise missile while singing onstage with Huey Lewis.

42. ESPN, the Magazine. Huge pages, fellatio-style coverage of the shittiest citizens of the athletic world, and very, very little content.

43. Mark Shapiro, the man behind the Sportstaimentization! of the network. Gone, but not forgotten.

44. Mike Lupica. Only makes two statements a year about college football, both atrociously wrong and dumb. Abrasive without insight. We’d say he represents the worst of Northeastern sportswriting, but Dan Shaughnessy still breathes in Boston.

45. Mel Kiper, Jr. We shouldn’t really hate on Mel–to be this wrong and still get paid for it bespeaks of a certain grandiose swindletude we have to admire. But that said–no one gets their assigned pundit beat wrong with greater consistency. Built entire reputation on saying Trev Alberts sucks, which, well, duh?

46. Not enough Sumo. The Bashos rule, and we have no idea when they’re on.

47. The ESPYs.

48. Rush Limbaugh, football analyst. Yes, it’s ancient history–but the shame remains.

49. The disappearance of Chris Mortensen. He’s your NFL insider, and you put him–literally–behind the set. Because he’s working back there during the show! It Sportstainmenttastic!

50. PTI. Not for the show itself, but for its shambolic impact on ESPN programming, which now features argumentative elements in even the least confrontational formats.

51. Jim Donnan. Looks like he rolled out from beneath an overturned fishing boat in someone’s front yard, put on a tie and and a coat, and rolled into the studio for a segment or two.

52. Chris Berman’s BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK call. Appropriate death strike: kicking knee break, joint-lock arm hold, thrown into path of oncoming commuter train.

courtesy of http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2005/11/

ESPN-My Rant About Them

I don't know what anyone else thinks about ESPN that reads this, but I can't stand that peice of shit station anymore. Really they don't cover shit outside of the Yankee, Red Sox, Lakers, Cowboys, Patriots, the NFL Draft, LeBron, Tigers, and the Cubs. They don't care about Jr. getting close to 600 as much as they care about Manny getting close to 500 homers. I mean I know they are the biggest markets, but there are people out there who care about other teams. They Yankees have their own FUCKIN station. Is it Red Sox Nation or Yankees Country???? I could care less, I really don't give a SHIT. They are all morons on that station. They let go the only good on-air personality, Harold Reynolds because some broad decided to complain about sexual harrasment and got him fired and then dropped the file. I mean really they show about 40 minutes of Yankees, Red Sox, and Tigers highlights. I am even goin to stick up for the Cubs (This has to be a first). They won in extras last night and are the third to last story on Baseball Tonight, 42 minutes in, but they did get about 10 minutes worth of coverage because of their 10,000th win-yet they haven't won a WS in 100. The Astros vs. Reds last night was the 2nd to last story with 1.5 minutes dedicated to them, and that was even with Jr. hitting number 597. We have scored 30 runs in 3 games (before this afternoons game). On another note about the Draft coverage-they had NFL Live all through Feb., March, and every day this month. Do they really need that much coverage when Baseball Tonight only started a few days before ST and yet NFL Live was still goin on. I guess I started getting fed up with it after the Tejada shit. I knew it was always dedicated to the East, but I guess I have never seen it soo much till then when I started getting pissed off at how bad their journalism is. I mean I could get on there right now before I graduate and show the Mother Fuckers on there how to run a show. Fox has much better all around coverage, but it is only on once a night for 30 minutes so if you miss it you are out of luck. They had breaking news for about 4 hours on Pacman Jones getting traded to the Cowboys. Who gives a Fuck? The guy is a fuckin criminal and it is a breaking story. They cut away from the Yankees vs Sox game last night to show the trade and show a clip about the draft the next day-nothing about Jr.

About a week ago they had to put a thing on the bottom line that says Joba Chamberlain is leaving the team for a few days to visit with his father. While it was a serious matter no doubt, it didn't warrant espn puttin it on SC because other players in the league have that happen to them also. Then later in that week they had a story about what Hank Steinbrenner said about Joba. He wanted him in the starting rotation. Who gives a flyin fuck.... I don't at all, I am not doubting his ability it is just a non-story and has no business being on SC. Just because the President of the team says something it should be on I guess. The Astros did get some coverage last week though, but it was all about the Tejada crap. It is a non-story and shitty journalism and I don't think that reporter will get very many more interviews from baseball players after doin that to one of their own. I did see something interesting about that show. They said Tejada's real last name was Tejeda. Well, if that is the case why did they spell his dad's name Tejada? Where I come from my last name is spelled the same way as my fathers. So either they did something to make him look like shit, or there was a spelling mistake when filling out the Birth Certificate, or it could have been espn fucked up and they were more worried about gettign the story out instead of checking their work.

I know they are a private company and are allowed to show whatever the hell they want, but if they want other people to keep watching they need to start showing more coverage of other teams in other markets. They are the monopoly of sports and control the sports highlights. The fans of espn (mostly Yankees and Red Sox fans) say we should stop our bitching and we should just watch our local news outlets. We all want to see other teams as well, but not have Yankees and Red Sox shoved in our faces. ESPN is wipping the Nut Smunt off of Beckett and Jeter.

All the people think they know what they are talkin about on there. There is a page on espn.com about who are the most feared hitters in the league. Why I don't doubt that Pujols and Arod are two of the most feared ones, Berkman is NOT mentioned ONCE. And further on down the page you see Peter Gammons (Here is a definision of who Peter Gammons is) talk about how Roy O might be willing to waive his no-trade clause in the summer. I wonder how the fuck he knows this shit. He is just pullin shit out of his ass. He probably thinks they are goin to go to the Red Sox for Coco Crisp or Sean Casey. He probably thinks we are goin to trade Berkman, Lee, and Tejada since we are out of the race according to a lot of people and apperently we suck. The Article.
This weekend I am goin to watch a whole show of SC a couple of times and take count of how much coverage it is goin to be given to each sport and team. The NHL and the NBA are in the playoff so they deserve the most coverage. The NFL Draft is Saturday so that should be a big story on there as well since it has been a big one for the last 2 months. But I am puttin my money on it: Jr. hits number 600 he will have less than 2 minutes more coverage than a Yankee or Red Sox game. Some fans have even told me that Manny's 500 is more important because it will assure him a lock to the HOF. That may be, but there are only 5 people who have hit 600 homers. There are 23 who have hit 500 or more. Which one is more impressive?

Another Great Aspect of the Cubs

I was on the mlb message boards on espn today and came across an interesting thread about the Cubs fans that I think everyone should read. It is about a game this past week with the Cubs against the Reds. The Cubs were killing the Reds when Adam Dunn hits a homerun. It is a tradition for Cubs fans to throw the homerun balls back on to the field and I don't have a problem with it what-so-ever. But, Cubs' fans as usual take it to the next level of Dumbassness. This Dousche-nuggets decided to throw about 20 balls into the field instead of just one-supposedly the homerun ball. I guess they were pissed off because of the 10 run lead got brought down to single digits. They were gonna win and they give up a homerun to one of the premier power hitters in the game.... Here is what Marty Brennaman had to say when covering the game for the Reds. I don't understand why some Cubs fans are bitching about what the Reds announcer was saying. Every teams' broadcasters are biased up to a point. They are the biggest Pizza Dick fans in sports. I hope it is a sell out when the Worlds Largest Urinal finally goes down.

Astros sign Alay Soler

In the middle of writing my last post I came across an article stating that we have signed Alay Soler. He is a former Cuban defector. It says he is 28, but who knows since we just found out our SS is 2 years older than he says he is. The guy was highly touted, but it might have been just because he went to the Mets. I don't know much about him, but here is an article that might help out on Alay Soler

Quintero DFA, Again

To clear a roster spot for Kaz Matsui the Astros designated catcher Humberto Quintero for assignment. This is a tough spot the we are in because Quintero is better than our bench-warmer, Ausmus. Q has it all, just not a spot to play. He has cleared rumors once already. Since the season started he has played all of 2 games-1 in AAA and 1 on the major league squad because of the 10 days he can't do anything but wait to see if he gets traded, released, or sent to the minors. I don't think he will pass through them again this time. I was really surprised he passed last time. We JUST HAD TO SIGN AUSMUS!!!! We could have just signed the POS to a coaching job, but no we had to have him for a back up and now we will lose our 2nd best catcher. I feel bad for the guy, I hope he goes to a team that will win or a team he has a shot at starting for. For those of you that don't know much about the Designated for Assignment rule go here for the definition http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Designated_for_assignment

Non-Baseball News

I am goin to post a little about our Houston Rockets while they make their playoff push starting today. They take on the Utah Jazz for a 7 game series hoping not to do what they did last year-get knocked out in the first round against the Jazz. We are at a huge disadvantage with Yao being out and TMac never gettin out of the first round. I cant stand the F'n Jazz. They are a dirty team and arguably the ugliest in the league. Nobody is giving the Rockets any chance. They were the most disappointing team in the early stages of the season, then to the most underachieving, then to they will not make the playoffs w/o Yao, then winning 22 in a row and still not considered good. Ill admit they aren't on the level of the other teams that won over 20, but still they learned how to play w/o Yao. SI is picking the Jazz in 6, that is fine by me, but their opinions mean nothing when the game is played on the court. See the 2006 Cubs for example on paper predictions

Ryan Klesko Hangs it up

A pain in the Astros playoffs side for the late 90's Ryan Klesko has decided to retire. He was a class-act and had a good career. The 2001 All-Star will end his career with a batting average of .279 with 278 homers and 987 RBIs. A fine career, but not a career the Braves were expecting from him when he got called up.

Power Rankings

I don't know what ESPN smokes, but I am sure everyone wants a hit off it because they keep surprising me on how fuckin stupid they are. This weeks Power Rankings are just terrible. At least they are a little better than last weeks, they are still goin off of what they think the teams will do by the end of the season. I know the Stros haven't exactly played the best ball of the season, but they are far from the 3rd worst team in the league. They got blown out by the Phillies and the Rox (they didn't count for this weeks), but they took 2 of 3 the #16 Marlins, 2 close games with the #14 Phillies, and since last weeks they moved down after going 3 and 3. The A's go 3 and 4 and move up 3 spots. I am not sure what the dumbasses at ESPN (Eastern Sports and Propaganda Network) think anytime. They never cease to amaze me.

Miguel Tejada Blind-sided by Jackass Reporter from ESPN

Ok so our shortstop just got two years older in one day. Tejada is apparently 33 not 31 like it was said before. I don't understand espn making a big deal out of it. It is not like he was the first one and not like he will be the last one. We have him for the rest of this year and next year so it is not like it is affecting us a ton. The interview was a classless piece of journalism last night. I would have been pissed off too if someone blind sided me with that question. There is a pre-interview I guess the reporter didn't feel obligated to share his information with Tejada. It reminded me a lot of Dateline's To Catch a Preditor. It was really pointless, but I think espn and the rest of the media is wanting to tarnish Tejada's name more after being named in the Mitchell Report. It seems like the only time we (Houston Sports) get any press coverage is when we do something wrong. When the Mitchell Report came out, they showed Pettitte and Clemens in Astros uniforms. Right they played here all of 3 years and they decide to put those jerseys on them. They talked about how the Astros probably knew about Tejada. I for one could care less about the report. You had a pretty good idea who was goin to be on there.

Joe Morgan

This has got to be the biggest idiot in the world. I mean when I thought he couldn't get any worse, he comes out and says this, "We're African Americans. We have more flare. I like that," when talking about Jose Reyes.... Unless I missed something Jose is not an African-American name. Reyes is not black, he is from the Dominican Republic. The guy just has something against white people or something. I remember the Home Run Derby in Houston a few years ago when he was interviewing Barry Bonds, he said,"How does it feel to play for a black manager because I never got that privilege?" Does it matter that much to him whether or not he played for a black manager? I mean seriously he is in the Hall of Fame, but all he wanted to do is play for a black manager. I dont know how Miller can work with the man because I would have already quit or beat the living crap out of him. Him and Jesse Jackson must take turns giving the shitzler to each other. I am all for firing that wasteman. http://www.firejoemorgan.com/


D-Bag

Marlins Series

We finally won our first series of the season. Now we are off to Philly for a 3 game set. Every game except for game one was great. Oswalt needs to get his shit together ASAP. But, the Marlins look like they could be contending quicker than I thought they would. Their O is stacked with power.
My Grades for the Series
Offense: A Power came out finally, with Bourn even goin yard. Berkman is swing a helluva stick right now, Pence needs to get his Biggio-esk swingin at sliders all day long ass in check. Even Ausmus got some hits.
Defense: A Good but not great. Cheato made some good plays in the OF, Pence took some bad routes to balls
SP: B Oswalt needs to get goin for sure-It would have been an A+ if Oswalt didn't give up 4 hrs. He was goin good for a while, but he is lookin like Wandy on the road last year-he is letting shit get to his head. Backe looked alright especially being he somehow managed a 5 inning shutout while throwing so many damn pitches. Wandy looked like himself at home again. He has given up a total of 1 run in his two starts at home this season
Bullpen C Yet again our pen is sucking. It didn't do enough to warrant a failing grade being they didn't cost us a game. Villarreal needs to get his ass in check along with Oswalt. Brocail looked good again. Valverde is reminding me more and more of Lidge by getting in trouble except for he hasn't done anything to lose the games like Lidge did.
Coaching B Needs to figure out that Villarreal is not pitching well and not put him in. Shouldn't have gotten in between Pujols and Backe. Finally gave Pence a day off. He didn't cost us any games this series

cubs headed to WS.

Here we are, barely a dozen games into the 2008 campaign, and the Cubs are headed into the WS, or at least that's what there minion would have you believe. How many times have we heard and seen this before? Well, at least a 100 years worth now. Sometimes they start like shit and remain shit, sometimes they start off well, and turn to shit later. Woods ERA approaching 8, zambrano is 1-1, soriano was batting at a torrid .173, and so on. We'll see as the summer looms in the near distance, and the stench of spoiling meats wafts through the Wrigley airs. A great day in the summer at Wrigley, reminds me a an infant's diaper, 24 hours after being fed, chocolate pudding, ancho chilies, camel meat (including hair and teeth) and 99 cent store toothpaste! That coincidentally is on the concession walls there. I pray to Ra, for a long aand unpleasant season for them, filled with heartache and bitter dissapointment. But, at least the fans will have the Fukudome headbands they wrap about their water-filled brains to wipe away the tears at season's end.

How fuckin Stupid ESPN is

Outside of first place team they got absolutely nothing right. Go ahead and look at last weeks and you can see how much dumber those dumbasses are. Maybe Tim Purpura could get a job with them because apparently the only qualification they require is:

Circle which best fits you (you may circle more than one):

Dumbass-Fat Ass, Jack Ass, Great at running a org to the ground, Know completely nothing about baseball. How many teams are there in the league

Timmy P-Can I just circle them all because I am running out of ink and I really want the job!!!

Steve Phillips- I saw Timmy circle Fat Ass, can I circle runnin a org to the ground 2x

Joe Morgan- This test is not made for black people

Petter Gammons- I can only think of 2. Is there baseball outside of NY and BOS

Jon Miller-Dumbass-explanation, why the hell did I take the job to work with Joe Morgan

And go figure ESPN hired them all, but Good 'ole Timmy P didn't get the job, he was DQ'd after ESPN found out he ate the food off of Kruk's plate when he went to the bathroom at a luncheon after the interviews. And Gammons to be the beat reporter because of his vast knowledge off all the teams in baseball after he found out that CHI had a team. Yet, he is still tryin to figure out who BOS and NY play because he doesn't know who they are.

Power Rankings courtesy of ESPN

This was a ridiculously bad series for the Astros. I mean the SP looked great AGAIN, but the bullpen F'd it up AGAIN for the pitchers. I thought Sampson did real well considering he was sick. The offense had one good game. And Pence finally hit a slider. Berkman looks like he is back to his old self, not the one you saw last year.
OFFENSE: B Clutch hitting would have put it at an A and it could have been lower considering they only had one hit in game 2 after the 4th inning
DEFENSE: A Many great plays over the series, great routes
STARTING PITCHING: A+ Wandy pitched his best game of the season, but it was at home.... Chacone pitched well and Sampson battled
RELIEF PITCHING: F the only bright spot was Wright. Valverde blew a save and everybody in the Pen sucked except for Wright. That needs to change ASAP if they want to compete.
An off day today then the Marlins come to town. We have to win this series to gain a little ground on the Brewers. It will be Backe, Oswalt, and Wandy goin for the Stros for the weekend series.
And Pujols is a little punk I wish him to get hurt along with Soriano, DLee, and the rest of the Dbags on the Cubs and Cards.

Oh the Cubs...

A promotion to get people in the ballpark. Just gives them one more thing to do than watch a game.

• Kosuke Fukudome Bobblehead Doll (Cubs, May 27) -- Something that vibrates and has "Kosuke Fukudome" written on it? I hope this giveaway is only for those 18 and older.


courtesy of espn

Albert Pujols

Prince Albert might be the biggest tool in the world. He is just a prick. He has one of the worst fundamental swings in baseball. He is just so strong (roids?) to hit the ball the other way with just his wrists. He walks half way down the first base line-he just a bono fide ass-hat.
Good Hitter? Yes
Good Fielder? Yes
Clutch? Yes
Tool? Yes
Bastard? Yes
He had no business talking shit to Backe much less taking out Towles' legs the night before.



You are my bitch!!